Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
