Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
