the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
