My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
