shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
