Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize