Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
