I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
