eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
