Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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