I cockslap morals
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
