chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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