the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize