Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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