I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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