um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
