there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
two words: eviction party
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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