what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
