just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Rumble strips road head = magical
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
