the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
This toilet bowl is my home.
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