I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
