Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Barsexuality is the new black.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Randomize
