his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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