Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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