I'll bet she douches with gravy.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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