I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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