I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
