Got a toothbrush?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
