So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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