So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
