went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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