I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
