i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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