She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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