You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
