my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Randomize
