Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
