The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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