That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
