That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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