So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
