How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
