I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
