my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
