Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
