had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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