Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I don't think brook has ever known best
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
