she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
