Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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