it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize