He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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