Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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