A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
