No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
