He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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