I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
