who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
