There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
