I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i came on her dog
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
