I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
