I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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