I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
