For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
