Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
