Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
