you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
