happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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