Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
