ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
