What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
