But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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