I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
