Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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