i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize