It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
