think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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