I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
