I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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