things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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