i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
