gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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