May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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