Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
