You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
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