Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
