you guys were way drunker than both of me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
