it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize