some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
