I'm going to jail i love you
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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