The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
