i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
