Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
