I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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