just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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