remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
