So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
