Kiss
Puke
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
