He disabled his match.com account in front of me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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