So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize