Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
