ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can't put those talents on a resume
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
