guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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